Culture Shock: Gaffenberg

Disclaimer: This entire post needs an asterisk saying that my observations/experiences at Gaffenberg are not necessarily a representative of Germany or Germans as a whole. That place is crazy. With that in mind, so begins one of the more "interesting" weekends of my life...

I had two options for my first weekend in Germany: 

1. Stay in Trier and explore on my own 

OR

2. Accompany Vivien to Heilbronn to camp Gaffenberg.

Even though I was severely jet-lagged from all of my traveling and could've used the weekend to regroup, I couldn't pass up a new experience. To Heilbronn!

Friday at noon Viv and I hopped into the bright orange car of Fabian, Viv's classmate and childhood friend. Fabian has shaggy blonde hair, blue eyes, and he speaks enough English to communicate with me. (this is common with most Germans.)

We drove about 2.5 hours on the autobahn through the German countryside. I was surprised by how much Germany looks like western Pennsylvania with its green rolling hills, farms, and small towns. I could've easily been on the rural part of route 28 or I-79. 

We arrived at Vivien's mom's house around 3pm. I was greeted by Viv's mom, her brother Luca, and the offer of bread and Nutella. I was instantly young Luca's hero when he found out I work for South Park. 

Viv and I then got ready for Gaffenberg, although no amount of preparation could've really prepared me for the culture shock I was about to experience. First, Gaffenberg is a summer camp for German children and Vivien is a camp counselor there. When Viv was in the US, she always raved about how much fun and how crazy this camp is. I imagined it was a lot of theatre and music. So when Vivien informed me that the theme this weekend was "gangsters" and that we were expected to dress up, I wasn't that surprised.

We put on our best LA-style gangster attire, which for me just meant a bandana, since I left all of my thug clothes in LA. I took out a sharpie and tattooed a full sleeve on my arm and hoped that would suffice. 

Viv's mom drove us the rest of the way to Gaffenberg up Heilbronn's winding hills. We came to a stop atop a hill surrounded by trees and woods and the craziness began the second I stepped out of the van.

Viv and I were immediately greeted by a crowd of Italian mobsters kissing us on the cheeks saying, "Ciao Bella! Ciao Bella!" (Ooops. I guess "gangster" meant Italian gangster not LA thugs, although there were many variations on the theme.) I was surrounded by 100 Germans dressed as Italians, speaking both Italian and German. Talk about confusing. 

Shortly after our arrival, everyone raced into the dinner hall. It immediately reminded me of Hogwarts. Each long table had a banner over it to notate which Italian "family" we belong. The tables were lined with baskets of food. Everyone was talking excitedly and I couldn't understand a thing. Across from me sat a guy in drag speaking in an exaggerated, high-pitched "girly" voice. What is this place?

Dinner begins with a short announcement from the leaders, followed by a German song. Then "GO!" Everyone digs in and it's a feeding frenzy. It's like that scene from "Hook" when all of the Lost Boys dig in to the food and Robin Williams just sits there flabbergasted like "where are your manners!?" Is this place Neverland and am I the "adult?" From that moment on, I decide to adopt the attitude "just go with it."

Dinner ends and we head back outside where a fake funeral is being staged. The leaders are dressed up as an Italian mafia family that is mourning the death of their murdered father. Or at least that's what I gather. It's all in German. 

We are then separated into our "families" to try and uncover clues to figure out who murdered the father. I can't understand any of it, so I am no help. All I can do is marvel at the Gaffenbergers' willingness to suspend reality play make believe. But is is really so hard to believe? I spend my leisure time chasing around a flying plastic disc.

The mafia game concludes with each "family" giving a presentation to explain who they think the murderer is. But this isn't a courtroom explanation. The presentations were acting, songs, and games. I judged the effectiveness of each presentation by whether or not I could understand it without words. 

Once each family has their say, we are led to a room that looks like a dark funeral home. The leaders conclude the service for the father and suddenly loud music starts playing, the tables turn into a bar, and a dance party erupts. It's 1am at this point and the Germans are just STARTING to party. I'm so exhausted and jet-lagged that I just make a beeline for my bed in a cabin while the German mafia rages. Welcome to Gaffenberg!